AS I GET OLDER
As I Get Older
OK, so
I'm in my 58th year. But, I am still 57 years old for another 8
months. When I try to accomplish anything now, it seems like I must be
157 years old! That is how it seems to me.
I may lean on my old injuries as a problem that makes life tougher for me. That occurs for many reasons. Even if I try not to be burdened by my difficulties, my slowness of wit and comprehension, my poor speech annunciation (which has gotten so much better in recent years and even the past several months or weeks), my physical ineptness resulting from lessened muscular coordination and my overall instability, and other reasons in my background that are not visible to me now, those difficulties tend to drag me into a swirl of sluggishness and awkwardness which is beyond my control. I can't get out, nor can I get away.
Youth has the privilege to give you the ability to take on new challenges and conquer those challenges by doing things and not worrying about the consequences. And it all usually works out well. Not for me. Not since my injuries from the car wreck decades ago, during the last century, during the last millennium. A very long time ago.
All the years since my Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) have been muffled and degraded because of that injury. Even now, as I write this for display, I wonder who may even want to read this and discover my trials and tribulations resulting from that occurrence. Why would anyone care? This may be a futile story written to relieve only my own frustration and anger.
Since that single-car accident when I was a 24 year old passenger on the very early morning of January 29th in 1983, the universe has changed. My universe has changed. Now it is inside-out, upside-down, and backwards. I try not to bear a grudge toward nor despise the driver. We were both young. It happened.
Yet, I can never be the same. My life has been altered beyond comprehension. At least, that is my thought and my belief. I will forever be who I have become.
It is not who I wanted to be.
It is not who I planned to be.
It is not who I was finally becoming.
It is who I am, now. Not by choice. Not by my plans. It just is.
I may lean on my old injuries as a problem that makes life tougher for me. That occurs for many reasons. Even if I try not to be burdened by my difficulties, my slowness of wit and comprehension, my poor speech annunciation (which has gotten so much better in recent years and even the past several months or weeks), my physical ineptness resulting from lessened muscular coordination and my overall instability, and other reasons in my background that are not visible to me now, those difficulties tend to drag me into a swirl of sluggishness and awkwardness which is beyond my control. I can't get out, nor can I get away.
Youth has the privilege to give you the ability to take on new challenges and conquer those challenges by doing things and not worrying about the consequences. And it all usually works out well. Not for me. Not since my injuries from the car wreck decades ago, during the last century, during the last millennium. A very long time ago.
All the years since my Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) have been muffled and degraded because of that injury. Even now, as I write this for display, I wonder who may even want to read this and discover my trials and tribulations resulting from that occurrence. Why would anyone care? This may be a futile story written to relieve only my own frustration and anger.
Since that single-car accident when I was a 24 year old passenger on the very early morning of January 29th in 1983, the universe has changed. My universe has changed. Now it is inside-out, upside-down, and backwards. I try not to bear a grudge toward nor despise the driver. We were both young. It happened.
Yet, I can never be the same. My life has been altered beyond comprehension. At least, that is my thought and my belief. I will forever be who I have become.
It is not who I wanted to be.
It is not who I planned to be.
It is not who I was finally becoming.
It is who I am, now. Not by choice. Not by my plans. It just is.
Posted 24th January 2016 by James L Verhovec
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